Chad Stokes has been haunting my mind since I moved to Cleveland. Since I live downtown now, I walk pretty much everywhere, and everywhere I walk I pass by a homeless man of woman on the street asking me to help them out. The other night Peaches was watching my friend's money exchange hands as hers shook "from the cold." Today I passed a man on a corner selling newspapers. I admire this, and these are the only guys I'll give change to. The newspaper is put out by a local shelter and some of the articles are written by the guys on the street. The sellers wear badges with their names on them and ask for whatever you can spare in exchange for the paper.
To make it easier on my conscience, and force of habit, I rarely care small bills or change, so when I tell them I can't help them out today, I mean it. I don't have change. and When I offer them a homemade cookie as consolation from the container in my hands, they shake their heads and so no thank you miss. I hear the repetition of the phrase "could you help me get somethin to eat" over and over as I walk to and from work each day and inevitably I too try to avoid eye contact as I meet the speaker. Enter Chetro. "he wasn't beggin' he was just keepin' time with his cup. You go on and believe that, and keep your eyes straight up." The lyrics to Gunship Politico haunt my mind, provoking questions.
"do you think if you don't look at him he'll go away?" "Do you think if you pretend to cough, or dial a number on you're phone he won't know you're ignoring him" "Why don't you help him?" "Do you think that just because you spent a week volunteering once you have any idea what HIS life is like?" "Do you really think that just because you don't have spare change, you don't have change to spare?"
The thing is, I know not to give them money, not because I assume they're alla boose hounds or that they wouldn't buy food with it. I know that places like the salvation army and rescue mission can help them more, and that the men who are going to them for help really want it and want what they cna give. Especially since you have to be clean to live at the mission. I have shared meals with these men, and stories. I have heard their testimonies and experienced their rejections and their baptisms. When I pass the men on the street I don't just see a homeless guy, I see Will, and Ace and the other men I shared breakfast lunch and dinner with for a week. I hear their stories in my head and it makes me want to know the stories of these new men in this new city. It makes my heart break that I look away just like everyone else.
It's hard to do anything else. Managers of shelters will tell you not to give the men money, that it's better to donate to the shelter so they can get the men what they need. But how many people do you think walk by these men shaking their heads and justify not reaching out to them because "they would just spend it on alcohol anyways"and never do anything else. I do it every day. I know the stories, I heard the lies first hand, and I adviced my team about them when we volunteered at the mission. But just because they lie to you, they tell you a story that either they think will make you help them, or that they wish were the truth, it doesn't make them any less needy.
So what do I do about the haunting voices of Chad Stokes and Jacob Dylan tormenting my conscience wherever I go? I write a blog post. I pray for the men, and I think that when I'm not living pay check to pay check I'll be able to do more for them. I remember that I've been told by people who work closely with these men everyday that I shouldn't give them money. I cut them off to save their breath and smile apolgetically as they say "thanks anyways sweetheart" and move on to the next pedestrian. and my heart breaks. and I hope that someone who reads this who can reach out, will reach out and buy a paper or give a donation to the mission or the Y or the salvation army. Or even better buy them lunch or dinner or a breakfast sandwhich and a cup of coffee.
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