So I'm not sure who all reads this but if you do, please consider sponsoring me in this year's Skinnyman triathlon. I'm running for Active Water an organization that helps people in Africa get clean water (Blood: Water Mission) and learn how to work the land (Seeds of Hope Int'l). This is my site. check it:
http://www.active.com/donate/activewaterupick/mmskinnywoman
more info to come.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Sunday, April 11, 2010
The Final Countdown
As I approach the end of my senior year in college I have to stop and think that it was nothing like I had ever expected. It has been wonderful and I have grown up so much, and learned so much about myself and the world around me that I hardly want to leave. Not so for many of my friends. They are quick to count down the days, some of them have been counting since January. We have just under a month left together and the last thing I want to do is count that away. It saddens me that we have such a tendency to look to the future and ignore the present. Granted, I also hate the reminder that I have 4 papers due in 30 days or less. and Granted, I should be reading Shelley right now but I'm procrastinating because I can't focus on that.
Now, I graduate in May with my friends but also come back in September to finish my second degree in December. So I don't have to go out to the real world yet, I don't have to get a job and I'm not even close to getting married (which more and more of my friends are it seems). But the thought of my closest friends moving on without me is hard. They will have new experiences that I will not have for another half a year. Then there's the thought I have about high school I had a great high school experience and I thought I would be friends with my high school friends for years, but by my sophomore year of college we had drifted apart. I've come to terms with this now, realizing we had too many differences in beliefs to stay friends long and that as we grew stronger in those beliefs or disbeliefs we would eventually separate. and while I don't worry about that issue with the friends I've made at school, I wonder if other things will drive a wedge between us.
My mom says this won't happen, she says I have such better relationships with my friends than she ever had. But still, she doesn't even talk to the maid of honor in her wedding anymore. will I be like that? Will my maid of honor even be someone I went to college with? (especially since I'm nowhere close to marriage) Will I be able to maintain relationships with people as we all move away (some overseas), get married, have kids? People say change is good, that it's natural, that we have phases in our life and people drift in and out. What if I don't want these people to drift out? Can I stop it? I think about how little I talk to the seniors that graduated last year and wonder if I'll go years between talking with my friends from school. I think about maggie and ange and jenny living just 10 minutes walk down in the apartments and how little I see or even speak to them and wonder what will happen when we're 10 hours apart.
I can't help not wanting to count down, wanting instead to try to slow time, to try to live in the moment and enjoy everything, even the academics. (shelley is beckoning) But I wonder if we can, and is that a good mentality? How can I find a balance between slowing down and speeding up? Am I, are we, supposed to? How can I be sure when the end of the year comes I won't be left standing alone, unsure and lost? When high school ended college started. now with college ending, what starts? how does it start? who does it start with? who is there to guide you through it? you're expected to be an adult by now, to figure these things out alone, to pay for everything even when you don't have a job. but how?
Last night I went out for dinner with some of my best friends and we raised our glasses to staying in college as long as we can, and I laughed because I am, but it also made me sad because the rest of them are leaving in a month. and let's be honest, staying in college as long as you can is no fun if your friends aren't there with you.
Song of the moment: I need you now, Lady Antebellum
Now, I graduate in May with my friends but also come back in September to finish my second degree in December. So I don't have to go out to the real world yet, I don't have to get a job and I'm not even close to getting married (which more and more of my friends are it seems). But the thought of my closest friends moving on without me is hard. They will have new experiences that I will not have for another half a year. Then there's the thought I have about high school I had a great high school experience and I thought I would be friends with my high school friends for years, but by my sophomore year of college we had drifted apart. I've come to terms with this now, realizing we had too many differences in beliefs to stay friends long and that as we grew stronger in those beliefs or disbeliefs we would eventually separate. and while I don't worry about that issue with the friends I've made at school, I wonder if other things will drive a wedge between us.
My mom says this won't happen, she says I have such better relationships with my friends than she ever had. But still, she doesn't even talk to the maid of honor in her wedding anymore. will I be like that? Will my maid of honor even be someone I went to college with? (especially since I'm nowhere close to marriage) Will I be able to maintain relationships with people as we all move away (some overseas), get married, have kids? People say change is good, that it's natural, that we have phases in our life and people drift in and out. What if I don't want these people to drift out? Can I stop it? I think about how little I talk to the seniors that graduated last year and wonder if I'll go years between talking with my friends from school. I think about maggie and ange and jenny living just 10 minutes walk down in the apartments and how little I see or even speak to them and wonder what will happen when we're 10 hours apart.
I can't help not wanting to count down, wanting instead to try to slow time, to try to live in the moment and enjoy everything, even the academics. (shelley is beckoning) But I wonder if we can, and is that a good mentality? How can I find a balance between slowing down and speeding up? Am I, are we, supposed to? How can I be sure when the end of the year comes I won't be left standing alone, unsure and lost? When high school ended college started. now with college ending, what starts? how does it start? who does it start with? who is there to guide you through it? you're expected to be an adult by now, to figure these things out alone, to pay for everything even when you don't have a job. but how?
Last night I went out for dinner with some of my best friends and we raised our glasses to staying in college as long as we can, and I laughed because I am, but it also made me sad because the rest of them are leaving in a month. and let's be honest, staying in college as long as you can is no fun if your friends aren't there with you.
Song of the moment: I need you now, Lady Antebellum
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)