Dead Air

Apologies for anyone who tries to follow me. I tend to enjoy writing in my moleskin more, especially after typing all day for work. I also forgot my password, which is connected to my old email, which I don't have access to anymore. Crises averted. Fear not I will try to write more :) I'm currently sitting at my "kitchen" table, a glass of smoking loon cabernet sauvignon to my right and an open window to my left issuing in the scents and sounds of Cleveland. My apartment is finally clean - with the exception of a very cluttered desk that I will eventually take care of, someday. Dad was here last night and so I made a real breakfast this morning, grilled muffins and all. It's amazing how the little things can make us happy. We only really got to spend two hours together, but I'm so blessed to be in a city he visits often for work. I just got very excited at a post having 166 page views, till I realized it was probably just because I quoted Epicurus - ah well. So it goes. (secretly hoping for Vonnegut searchers to be sucked here - google wouldn't like that) I'm just home from work and sitting down to more work. At least I love my clients (most of them). Currently writing for my favorite - a post about pairing wine to your meals in the woods. What does this do to me? I crave escape. Dad came back from hours of meetings yesterday and after a hug hello he exhumes (exhaustedly), squeezing my shoulder, "Go to the woods, Megan!" If only. I was home two weeks ago for columbus day. I walked out on the pier alone in crisp fall air and felt this incredible burden lifted. A sense of elation and peace washed over me and I knew this was what my soul had been craving for months. I like to think I enjoy city living. Walking to everything, craft beers, foody restaurants, indie concernts, and being two blocks from NBA basketball and off-Broadway theater, there are some incredible benefits to downtown living. But fresh air and trees aren't among them. On top of that, the Chinese food isn't all that great. Writing for one of my favorite brands that celebrates the outdoors makes for a rough night of "what ifs" sometimes. What if I locked myself away in a cabin and just wrote a damn novel? What if I'm not supposed to be here? What if I moved home to spend more time with family? What if I moved south like my brother? What if I'm no good at anything else? What if I'm not even good at this? What if they don't like me? What if I just said "screw it" and went fishing? As you can see, it spirals. There's something about the drudgery of city living that leaves us unfulfilled, craving adventure, desireing to suck the marrow out of life. The closest I get to nature are the flies that somehow always manage to find my 6x24 slot of open window. I'd like to say I killed ten thousand with one blow but they aren't as lethargic as I'd like...nasty little buggers... Anywho, that's just a smattering of life and feelings at the moment. I really have to get back to work now - but I hope this is enough to hold ya'll for a while!